Friday, 7 October 2011

I can’t really describe how I feel recently. It’s difficult aha. I feel really weirdly nostalgic a lot recently, I end up talking about the same few people over and over again to friends who’ve never even met them or anything.

I messaged one of them on facebook, telling him that I know he still exists and he told me how it meant a lot to him that I still think about him and I mean a lot to him too, and we should try to meet up sometime. It’s weird.

I think I’m just freaking out a bit because a lot of my friends have gone off to uni, and I’m here like, “heeey, don’t worry about me, I’m just a college drop out, it’ll be fiiiine”. Idk what I’m gonna do next year when it’s like, people I’m actually close with going away.

I was going to apply for a job at mcdonalds, because there’s one about 5 minutes from my house, and the application said “What do you do in your spare time?” and “What’s your greatest accomplishment?” and I typed down “I don’t know” for both of them and then I gave up and closed the tab.

I still have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do with my life.

I would be more than happy just getting some shitty job, and earning enough so that I can move into some tiny studio apartment with Jordan and a couple cats and we’d be absolutely miserable, but we’d be miserable together, so it would be okay.

I’ve met this boy, and he’s absolutely perfect for me. I’ve known him just over a couple months now and I can’t even explain how he makes me feel. It used to creep me out because it was like someone had gone around to all my closest friends and asked them what would be my ideal partner be and then they found him and told him what to say as part of some elaborate practical joke, then after like a week I realised some of the things were things I hadn’t even realised I liked in a person, he’s just kind of naturally perfect for me.

I keep getting this really weird feeling, it’s hard to explain. Y’know that butterfly feeling you get when you’re nervous and you feel like you’re gonna throw up and you get all shakey, blablabla… I haven’t felt this way in years.

I feel like my past and my present is all going to crash together. That sounds so dumb, but it’s really the only way to explain it. I feel like I’m going back in time, like I should be hanging out with all the people I hung out with a couple years ago. It’s freaking me out.

I keep like, picking up my phone and feeling like there are certain people that I could just call up, and we’d talk and it’d be like no time had past at all, and then I have to sort of remind myself that we’re not friends at all and my life is better because of it.

There are some people whose lives are just like, intertwined with mine, no matter how much we don’t get on. That’s what it feels like. We could have no friends in common anymore and we could not talk for years and we could move away so that we’re on other sides of the world but there will still be something there.

I feel like I’m on the verge of figuring out what that something is, and that’s what’s making me feel so weird all the time. I’m really not sure. It’s hard to explain.

I don’t feel bad though.

I feel really really good for the first time in ages.

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